Milly Mossop

And another thing! (that has precious little to do with pubs...)

...Although it forms the basis for a conversation I'm sure I'll have in the next pub I'm in. Did you see Ewan McGregor and 'best mate' Charley Boormans' ego fest Long Way Down last night?

I had to check the TV guide to make sure it wasn't intended as a parody; it was almost as if McGregor had spent his career thus far praying for a part of a self indulgent, moronic but ultimately harmless famous Scottish actor, and eventually gave up waiting and wrote it himself.

The concept had so much potential - two best mates, two motorbikes, one continent. But this potential was flushed away by the addition of two 'Long Way Down' heavily branded 4X4s, a producer / director with delusions of celebrity, a back office crew given the brief "right, you're on visa applications. Now make it look challenging, impossible even", a doctor, two survival trainers, most of McGregor's extended family, and his wife.

David Brentesque moments (if you can imagine a good looking, Scottish Brent) kicked in early. McGregor greets the two back office girls with a generous hug and the question "are you married yet?" to which the first girl giggles coquettishly and says "no... not yet". Warming to his theme, our dashing hero hugs the second girl and asks "how about you, are you married yet?" to which she responds rather more sharply "no", then remembering the cameras and her raison d'etre, "you still haven't asked me!" more demurely. Ewan really is the ultimate smug married. The happy little tit.

Later, 'best mate' Charley explains the common stereotype of Africa that he wants to challenge; "Everyone thinks Africa is just one country and everyone's got AIDs". All the more surprising then that a significant part of the programme is given over to extreme survival training, ensuring the boys know how to handle the inevitable muggings, robberies and kidnappings. Because of course that's the first thing that happens when you step foot in Africa - the savages will steal your motorbike and kill your 'best mate'.

What struck me most about the boys' relationship is that, well, there's not much honesty in it. Ewan's wife Eve wants to join them for part of the trip. Every single person bar Ewan can see this isn't a very good idea, but it still falls to the producer / director to urge Charley to talk to his 'best mate' about it. So here we see Charley confiding in the producer about his 'best mate' and the producer attempting to paint a veneer of buddiness over the whole thing. This probably also accounted for the relentless hugs in front of the camera and attempts at horseplay that are less convincing than Britney Spears in a Convent.

Anyway, finally, the boys begin their intrepid adventure. On a plane to Inverness. Which Charley misses because he "said the 'bomb' word" confides a dramatic producer / director, and ended up in a police cell. I take it back boys, maybe you do need 10 people to hold your hands through Africa.

The four day drive from John O'Groats back to London seems to have been planned a) to fit in some fairly camp footage of Ewan hugging his family in his duck egg blue leather jump suit, b) to check in on the local children's hospice which the project is raising funds for (how funds are being raised hasn't been made clear but I do hope no one's actually sponsoring this luxury trip) and take a photo of a grinning Ewan holding up a, presumably dying, little boy in a Superman costume, c) so Ewan and Charley can spend a night camping in Silverstone Race Track half way down, cue much comedy putting up of tents and pushing each other over and d), and ostensibly, to "test that everything works". Because obviously those spanking new BMW bikes shipped over from Germany two days ago could go at any moment. And of course once you've erected a tent in the rain at Silverstone, the Sahara will be a doddle.

Thing is, I will watch the next instalment, because painful though the experience is there's nothing I wouldn't endure to see Charley finally snap at McGregor "look just because you're a better actor than me and better looking, and it's your name that got this project off the ground, and I know the BBC would never have been interested if it was 'Charley and real best mate Dave from the pub' - don't think for a second that I wouldn't throw you to the next gang of gun toting savages we see. And if for any reason we never see a gang of gun toting savages I'll just steal your tent poles when you're not looking".

Not a review, but a preview: Milly's pub crawl of Clapham High Street

Actually I just felt like writing something to clear the dust from this rapidly degenerating blog, so thought I'd let you know of plans to explore the pubs up and down and around Clapham High Street, on Saturday 10th November. Landlords beware...

This will also give me the purpose that has been rather lacking of late: it's not that I haven't been to any pubs recently, I've been to lots. And uncovered a couple of treasures in the SW1 area of London where I'm now working (I'm being literal - there really are only a couple). Basically I've just been a lazy arse. But it's amazing what an invitation to spend your weekend doing DIY makes you want to do, so here I am again (whilst poor Mozz single handedly saws wood, drills things and lays our wood floor upstairs - I did make him a cup of tea earlier though, and whilst typing this I'm also roasting a chicken in spectacular multi task manner).

Also, I wanted to update an earlier half arsed review of The Oddfellow Arms in Alnwick. The landlord, Graeme, kindly stopped by and left a comment so I wanted to return the compliment by announcing the unanimous thumbs up by other members of the Mossop clan, who have since returned to the Oddfellows several times and thoroughly enjoyed the beer and ambiance. And I'm looking forward to going back myself in early December. Top pub.

Right, better go and peel a parsnip or something. I'm doing Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall's roast chicken with honey and couscous - I wanted to provide a link to the recipe, cos it's looking pretty damn good, but I can't find it online so I'm afraid you'll just have to buy your own copy of the River Cottage Cookbook. Which is no bad thing to have to do, in fact it's one of my favourite books.